Steady or Anxious

Are you a patient person? An old quip goes something like, “If you pray for patience, prepare for your patience to be tested.” Most of us are not truly looking for more opportunities to practice patience. Our patience is tried almost daily, which is unavoidable. There is a limit to what is in our control. Sure, we control a few things, but over most, we have little to no influence. Having the desired outcome and feeling you have no options for bringing it about is nerve-wracking. When this kind of anxiety is high it can lead to reckless action.

It is only speculation, but I wonder if this is what took hold of Judas. He was one of the chosen Twelve who saw the power of God at work in Jesus, the anointed one. He surely heard Jesus teaching about the in-breaking of the reign of God. I wonder if Judas was lost in frustration that none of it was taking shape as he thought it should. Is it possible he thought that by forcing a convergence of the temple authorities and his master that the right kind of revolution would be sparked? Is it possible Judas was impatient about how Jesus was bringing about the kingdom? It is hard to know whether Judas had given up on the teacher and was switching sides or was attempting to force the hand of the greater power.

In any case, he was not patiently trusting the one in whom he should have trusted. Judas’s restlessness is the beginning of his demise. We can hold this in contrast to the steadiness of his replacement. This is the quality the eleven Apostles were looking for in the disciple who would replace Judas. In the opening chapter of the Acts of the Apostles, we find Peter addressing the others, and a description of what takes place afterward:

"Friends, the scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit through David foretold concerning Judas, who became a guide for those who arrested Jesus—for he was numbered among us and was allotted his share in this ministry. So one of the men who have accompanied us during all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and out among us, beginning from the baptism of John until the day when he was taken up from us—one of these must become a witness with us to his resurrection." So, they proposed two… Then they prayed and said, "Lord, you know everyone's heart. Show us which one of these two you have chosen to take the place in this ministry and apostleship from which Judas turned aside to go to his own place." And they cast lots for them, and the lot fell on Matthias, and he was added to the eleven apostles.  (Acts 1:16-17, 21-23a, 24-26)

The replacement God chooses is Matthias, who has been steady, consistent, and trusting. He has been in the mix of the followers from the time Jesus was baptized through the teaching that the resurrected Jesus provided the followers before his ascension. We imagine that Matthias watched, listened, learned, and trusted the way that Jesus was ushering in the reign of God.

As we juxtapose the anxiousness of Judas with the steadiness of Matthias, I feel God teaching us something in these events recorded in Acts. I feel as though both of these men live inside of me, perhaps inside of us all. I try to be patient and steady, but sometimes I am anxious. Anxiety can go even to the point of rebelliousness. Which way I go, depends on which characteristic I cultivate and feed. Together, let us look to God to lead us into trusting hearts.

Breathe on me breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love,
and do what thou wouldst do.