Exuberance and Reluctance
In the old days, a book came out called, Games People Play, by Eric Berne. This was a 1964 publication—a pioneering effort, in that it presented a break from the Freudian tradition—alerting readers to the unconscious patterns that create barriers in relationships. These explanations served to build a body of work known as Transactional Analysis.
One of the “games” described in the book happens all the time in interaction. It is “Why Don’t You”—“Yes But” or simply “Yes But.” When one person presents a personal challenge, the listener might suggest a solution; then the one with the challenge declares why that is not a solution that can work. Here’s an example: Todd – “I really need to get more exercise.” Lisa – “Why don’t you take up walking; that’s what I do.” Todd – “Yes but I can’t find the right shoes for walking.”
Understand that this exchange could extend for a long series of suggestions and rejections until the whole thing fizzles. The truth is, Todd will get exercise only when he truly decides, and follows through. Lisa cannot make that come about, even with good suggestions, and even though she means to help. Todd decides to delay. People feel invited to help us, then we play “Yes But” driving them to exasperation sometimes. We don’t even realize it is a game we’re playing. It is very common.
When Jesus was making his way from a Samaritan village toward Jerusalem some people hear and feel the challenge to follow this rabbi who works miracles and proclaims the Kingdom of God. The exchanges that ensue are bewildering. One would-be follower exuberantly announces his vow to follow wherever Jesus goes. Jesus clarifies the difficult conditions that go with following the Son of Man. When Jesus challenges others to follow him, they explain what remains in the way before they might comply. Examine the Gospel passage for this Sunday:
As they were going along the road, someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." To another, he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:57-62)
The exuberance of the first person suggests to Jesus that the man is missing the implications of following. The diversions which catch the other two indicate they are missing the absolute urgency and priority of Jesus’s calling to the Kingdom. “Why don’t you come?” is answered with, “Yes, but this must come first.” What appears to be a reasonable response within the framework of human custom, does not fit within the context of Jesus’s radical call to discipleship. “Yes But” is not a game we can play, given the ultimacy of the One who calls us. It is a judgment upon us that we are forever putting something we see as good above the Ultimate. What more must happen within us to make us truly hear Jesus and truly follow?