Your Holy Life
Everyone has a sense of self. We pick up different lenses for looking at the self. Sometimes we see ourselves through the lens of our inner perceptions. Sometimes we see ourselves by how we imagine others seeing us, or hope others see us. Sometimes we wonder how God sees us, and wish we could know more about this. At times we wish we could see ourselves more truly in the way God sees us.
Consider that even in the way we see ourselves in our inner awareness, there are layers of perception. Our thoughts about ourselves with labels, roles, feelings, old baggage, criticisms, praise, and performance: these all go to what is conveniently labeled ego. The ego is constructed from concepts and images. The ego is required to function, interacting with the populated world outside ourselves. It is a good thing, and even more useful, as a construct, when we are clearheaded, not just fooling ourselves and keeping up appearances. Sanity and humility, when we can muster them, make great general conditions for a useful sense of the ego.
It is suggested, and I believe, there is more. Underneath the ego, there is a bare, simple, and actual self. It is easy to rock along and not even give any attention to this authentic self. Ideas like this are talked about by old thinkers like Origen, Augustine, Evagrius, Dame Julian. The insight is delved into by moderns, such as Richard Rohr, John Main, and Cynthia Bourgeault. The self beyond the ego is pondered and described by thousands of thoughtful people, ancient and modern. Reading tomes about it is not as helpful as doing your work with ego and true self. I am speaking not about in-depth psychology, as helpful as that can be in certain instances; I am speaking about prayer.
Putting yourself before God with active thought and with a quiet stillness is a gentle and steady way of acknowledging our egos and the selves we have underneath them. Prayer is both a way of strengthening our connection with God, with others, and with ourselves. Evagrius Ponticus, one of the most influential theologians in the late fourth-century church convinces me what is effective about prayer, leading to the whole treasure of connections we are made to have, is the process of knowing one’s self.
Active prayer is the kind we know best. We pray this way all the time: we thank the Creator, adore and praise God, ask for things on behalf of others and for ourselves, we acknowledge our sins, and we offer ourselves to God. This kind of praying is in the context of the situations and conditions of our lives and the world. Praying like this can bring clear awareness to our active selves concerning others and ourselves.
There is another mode of prayer: It is the prayer of stillness. We could call it meditation. We see the main ingredients of Christian Meditation in the New Testament. Jesus modeled deep communion with the Father. Gospels point to this, as do the Epistles of Paul, John, Peter, and James. We should explore this foundational material together. (Just ask, and I’m there) There is material throughout the history of Christian thought on the treasure of Christian Mediation. Find it in the sayings of early desert solitaries, in the Conferences of John Cassian, and mystics through the ages. (Ooh! We should look into this together too. Name the time.) This kind of prayer, which features, stillness, silence, and simplicity acquaints us over time to our deeper true self. You have known your ego was pretty fine. Well, you’ll see—adding knowledge of your authentic self is marvelous! The best part is how it opens up your enjoyment of God and your enjoyment of others. It expands your experience of love, which expands everything. This knowing of the self leads not to self-fixation, but wholeness and to a rich community. It strengthens healthy connections.
Look at me, going on and on. What is more, I told you all of that to tell you this: one of the options Christians have in knowing their lives is something called Spiritual Direction. It is an ancient practice that opens a relationship of guidance or spiritual companioning. It is a gentle exploration—an open-ended conversation between a spiritual guide and a client or directee. I must quickly point out that the director does not so much actively direct as actively listens and evokes the directee’s self-exploration. As we will celebrate this Sunday, the Christian already had a shepherd, a Good Shepherd, and that one is Jesus. In Spiritual Direction, the director urges the directee’s awareness of guidance from God.
I completed my training and certification for spiritual direction last October, and have begun to practice. In addition to one-on-one companioning, I am cultivating Group Spiritual Direction—Holy Listening. Come to “Prayer Training” tomorrow, Wednesday, April 21 at 7 PM on Zoom if you want to learn about this and be part of a group. You can come any third Wednesday or Saturday of the month:
Prayer Training – Group Spiritual Direction: Holy Listening
(This topic, third Wednesday 7 PM and third Saturday 10 AM of each month)
Zoom Meeting ID: 744 3239 1081
Password: 043097
I subtitle it Holy Listening because that is what the director and participants principally do. We listen to the one presenter of each session and hear what’s up, how the person perceives God is involved in his or her life. I welcome you to join, and I welcome you asking me about this if you have questions. I work with people in the group setting or director/directee companioning, or both. Both venues emphasize kindness, openness, and complete confidentiality.
Your life deserves your personal exploration. Knowing God moves with knowing yourself. It is a beautiful thing, carefully and steadily to discover your holy life.